A blog for Suicide Prevention Month
(CW- suicide, mental health)
To those who feel it is the end
You may ask me not to defend
Defend this life and reasons to live
You may have no more fucks to give
You may say I don’t understand
And no, I have not tread on your land
But I have had those same thoughts
Determined to make myself into noughts
Everyone’s story is their own
Comparison I don’t condone
But in my own way
I’ve wanted that same day
The day I don’t open my eyes
Flying high up in the skies
But I am glad it did not work
And yes, I’d think I was a jerk
However, it really does get better
Perfection it is never
You’ll feel sad again
There’ll forever be moments of pain
It doesn’t happen over night
As cliche as it sounds, it is a fight
But you have the power to create a future
Filled with your own sense of humour
There is more to life than the binary narrative
Come Join the rogue collaborative
Pave your own unique path
Two fingers up to ‘have a bath’
No one makes it out alive
So, let’s take on this wild drive
Give it a go, try new things
No one knows what tomorrow brings
Life is hard and Life is tough
But you my friend are more than enough
By Hannah Whitfield
It’s interesting that actually the further I get from my mental illness the harder I find reflecting on my own journey, but also topics like suicide. While I was in the depths of my illness and despair, suicide ironically didn’t bother me- I guess because I was so set on completing it myself that the true reality never hit me. I also think that although we all feel a deep pain and sadness surrounding suicide it is only those who have been there that truly relate to the pain of what people who complete suicide feel and knowing they weren’t to wake up and feel love again, be told that the thoughts they were feeling aren’t actually true and that they are in fact wanted and not a burden- hits very different. I have been ‘lucky’ that I have felt at the pits of despair but every time I have managed to be brought back and now realise that, that severe pain is in fact temporary even though at the time it feels very much all-consuming and permanent. For these and many others I find suicide prevention month a tricky time. I get it, I get how that feels like the only option and that in the moment you can’t hear what anyone is saying. That it truly does feel like it won’t change and for those who have suffered with chronic suicidal ideation you even have the proof that it can come back. That was me. There really are no words. I wish I could take that pain away; I wish I had a magic ball to show you your future. Just like people wished they had for me. I didn’t believe them- I was certain this was it. That for me it couldn’t get better. It did. I was wrong. And I hate being wrong! But in this instance, I have to admit I was wrong. I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t. I don’t think there is anything I can say. But please stay. Please just give it a go.
Of course, suicide affects more than just the person struggling. Grief in relation to suicide is complex and multi-layered. I am no professional, so cannot offer anything but from personal experience we just have to feel the feelings. Reach out, get support.
But we must have hope. We must have optimism and we must fight to eradicate suicide. The stats are growing but so is our plight for real suicide prevention. Suicide prevention is so much more than just a list of helplines. While of course they are important and please do reach out to them if you are in need (even if you have in the past and it wasn’t helpful- I get it but it’s so specific and you almost certainly get a different person and it only takes one person who you truly click with) they are not enough and they don’t tackle the root problem. The cliché phrase prevention is better than cure is still the one. When we need to look at the root causes and work towards changing these to see long term impact on suicide statistics and most importantly saving people’s lives. To quote Charli Clement who posted last week “we cannot talk about suicide prevention without committing to changing poverty, homelessness, pain management, systemic ableism/racism/transphobia, capitalism and more.” And I couldn’t agree more- suicide is so much more than a mental health crisis, it’s a reflection of our current society. It’s the stark reality of a country and world with a widening gap between the haves and the have nots. It is a mirror of the cost-of-living crisis, our failing NHS, years of Tory government, of a society which places money over people. There is no easy answer, there is no quick fix, there’s not even (in my opinion) a point to blame- that really only ever results in the same. But by highlighting the true causes we can work towards the roots of true suicide prevention. Suicide prevention comes from systemic change, from educational change and from a society which has humanity. It can feel so powerless when you look at it from this angle. I certainly feel that. The feeling of this being something we can’t change or control and that feeling of hopeless and helplessness. And while yes as individuals this would be an impossible task there are ways individually and together, we can fight for change. These don’t have to be big steps; it is still suicide prevention to ask someone if they are okay twice (my favourite tip!). It is still suicide prevention to check on your friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances- even the loud outgoing ones. It is still suicide prevention creating mentally healthy environments, people knowing they can talk to you. It is suicide prevention, to look after yourself, to not let yourself get burnout or be pouring from an empty cup. It is still suicide prevent to signpost people to reputable and legitimate support services. It is still suicide prevention to practice listening without judgement, to actively listen to what someone is saying and to give them the time and space they need. It is still suicide prevention to offer the same reassurance that you have given someone 80 million times before (I am that person, some of us just need that little extra reminder!). This list could go on and I will also link some different organisations/support at the end of this blog.
But to those who want to do more for the wider suicide prevention movement, getting involved in tackling some of the issues mentioned about in the quote from Charli. Again, these don’t have to be big things- you’ll be surprised what small steps we can take to be part of making change. Whether that just be with the language you use, the way you speak about suicide in your everyday life, whether it’s in your political stand point, writing letters, signing petitions, buying from small businesses, working or donating to charities, smiling at a stranger on the street, stopping to ask someone if they are okay, asking them again- reassuring that they don’t have to speak to you but that you do care and are interested. It’s not as simple as the quote- ‘in a world where you can be anything- be kind’ but it also is. You never know what someone is going through, looks can be ever so deceiving, behaviour can hide a myriad of complex emotions. Look after yourself, reach out, hold out a hand, give an ear.
You matter, you’re loved, people care and if it doesn’t feel that way hold on and one day it will.
Stay safe,
Lots of love
Hannah xx
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